How to love yourself

Make-up, Mental Well Being Blog

Self empowerment, self love! 

Lately I’ve been struggling to write, it’s not necessarily that I had nothing to write about, I have a notepad full of ideas… I thought about my distractions, what had I been so preoccupied with? Yeah I guess I was working a lot, and I’d been watching the World Cup and spending time with my family but these were things that had always been present? So I switched my thought process and asked myself what had I been focusing on and it seemed that Social Media had been taking the majority of my time. I’d been so actively trying to work on my brand and the overall look of my media that I’d fallen into the spiral of perfection. I wanted my profiles to look like I was perfect, that my life was perfect and most importantly that the brand I’m working on was. But in doing this I’d lost the one thing that always made me the happiest, writing? 

So what had gone wrong?

Here’s a few posts when I was trying to improve my look on social media (rose-tinted glasses): 

Here’s a few posts when I just showed me, what my life was really like:

Here I am explaining my anxious thoughts whilst taking a cute selfie…

The I’m outside, reading and writing aren’t I great book

The ‘perfect’ bloggers bedroom- A place for creativity 

mememe

No filter, no bra. Ft Stretch marks and thick thighs

The interactions were significantly different.
Comments:

Perfect: 1

Real: 10

Likes:

Perfect: 57

Real: 116

What I realised was that people appreciate realness, the rawness and honesty that I brought when I admitted that I was curvy, considered a plus sized model in the fashion industry, the fact that I struggled with mental-health problems it didn’t faze people. They seemed to like it more. 


☁️ Social media portrays such perfection, this portrayal is so wrong. Your life, family, friends and yourself the imperfections within them is normal and most importantly quite unique. Those large thighs carry me, the belly that’s not quite perfectly flat is sort of cute and the stretch marks you see they show my journey, how my body marvelously stretched to allow me to become a woman. You’re beautiful. You’re imperfections are beautiful. Be proud, be strong, love yourself ☁️” – @Ellesorbis 


For what I hope to be inspirational and lovely realistic posts follow my social media:

Facebook

Twitter

Instagram

After the realisation that my followers and likers responded better to my ‘real’ posts I decided to delve further into this idea what did my posts have in common… they were all about my ‘imperfections’. Whether I was discussing my curvyness or my break outs, the fact that I was struggling to sleep because of the insomnia these posts were all interacted with greatly. I asked myself why? This highlighted to me that the people finding my pictures were using the hashtags I used to target the correct audience and this showed that people were actively looking for ways to accept themselves. Immediately I asked myself why on earth I hadn’t done a blOog post about this! 

I never claim to have the answers for everyone, I don’t even know if one of them will relate to you, these are my ways. I can only hope that they touch a life, or give someone that little push they need. 

My three step guide to loving yourself

  1. Accept your body

Now some people may say to you, it doesn’t matter how you look on the outside, it’s all about the inside. This is so true! Weight and looks do not define your happiness, or your love for yourself. Accepting my body is something I have always struggled with. I was a size 10 and thought I was disgustingly fat, I have been a size 16 and still thought the same. So really what changed? Other than three dress sizes my mental state and how I felt about my self really never changed. My point here is it really didn’t matter what my body looked like, what was going on in the inside took over and blurred my vision. Accept your body, as long as you are healthy that is all that matters. What waist to bum ratio society expects from you is so irrelevant! My weight gain shows that, my depression and anxiety has been just the same with the different dress sizes. 

These pictures are 4 years apart, throughout this 5 years I have suffered equally, the body I’m in doesn’t define my mental state when I’m healthy.  Love yourself, love your body- it can only help.

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2. Look after yourself

When I’m feeling low or I’m not particularly loving myself I have a routine that I tend to do. I’m sure everybody has there own self-care regimes. But I thought if I share mine that perhaps it could assist the developing or finished product you may have: 

I cannot express enough how important it is for me to look after my body. When I feel good on the outside it has a large impact upon my mental well-being. Now I’m not saying that in order to be happy you must look beautiful all the time. However, when your feeling low doing things that actively make you feel better on the outside reflect on the inside.

  • Have a bubbly bath: Just allow yourself to enjoy the water around you, the warmth, the bubbles let them soak you up. I like to grab a favorite book that I’ve already read so that I can enjoy the act of reading whilst not having to focus too much.

 

https://amzn.to/2meBI7aRadox

  • Have a hot shower to wash hair and body: For this I use my favorite products which I don’t use everyday but that I know will leave my hair smelling beautiful and the look will be fuller.

https://amzn.to/2Nbb5vb

 Shampoo.jpg

  • Practice make-up looks: I’ve discussed before how much I love my dupes both for my bank account and the fun of comparing them to the real thing on YouTube. Here’s some of my make-up collection. I get so distracted doing this and it makes me feel great when I achieve a beautiful look. 

make pu.jpg

 

3. Treat yourself like you’re the love of your life

You are the single most important person in your life. Remember if you put yourself and your well being first you’ll be able to treat your nearest and dearest much better. I try and treat myself the way I would treat the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. 

Would you constantly beat down the love of your life?

NO because they are too important and you want the best for them. 

Would you lack confidence in the love of your life?

NO because they are brilliant and you have every confidence in them

Would you see them as anything other than beautiful?

NEVER.

Would you make time for them?

Of course, they mean everything to you right?

Would you do the things that they love to do?

Absolutely that’s what you do for someone you love.

Would you show them support in every aspect of their life?

Yes. 

Treat yourself like the person you love the most. Don’t beat yourself down, don’t lack confidence in yourself, look at yourself and see your beauty whatever form that may come in, make time for you- it’s so important, do what you love and support yourself through everything. 

 

 

 

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Helping yourself when you feel sad, depressed or anxious

Mental Well Being Blog

My self help guide

sad to happyIf I find myself falling into any sort of sadness, depression or prolonged period of anxiety I have a set plan in place for what I do, I don’t always do all of the stages as some work on their own. This is dependent upon my mood. I hope that my plan can be of some help to you.

~ Create goals

Step 1)

Draw yourself a table and insert two columns (I’ll insert some templates underneath). The first of which should be titled ‘past goals’ Now goals that you have already achieved can be absolutely anything, as long as they made you or others around you feel like you achieved something. When my mental health was at it’s worst my achievements could have simply been getting up and making food. So please don’t feel like any achievement is too small.

Step 2)

In the second column include your future goals. Think about where you want to be in a days time, weeks time, months time and a years time and so on and so forth.  Please try and make your goals as specific as possible, and always use positive connotations, positivity is key in this method.

Step 3)

Now explain to yourself why you want what you have wrote. So if you said that you wanted to pass your driving test, figure out why? How is it going to improve your life, perhaps it will give you more freedom?

Side note: After making this once it tends to be something you can just come back to or even add to as you go along. 


“You deserve to heal”


Step 4)

This step is all about channeling your energy (and you might be thinking when your feeling anxious, depressed or sad that you don’t have any energy- I get that). But if you have any sort of energy do something that you can start and complete that you take joy out of. Whether that is crafts, drawing, taking a walk, baking or reading a book.

Here’s my favorite chocolate cake recipe that I make when I’m feeling down:

choc cake

https://www.errenskitchen.com/devils-food-cake/

Why does setting goals help with my low mood? Well for me it was the realisation that what you need to do is entirely dependent upon where you want to get (step 2). So if I wanted to get petrol, driving to the pet shop would be pretty pointless for that goal right? But before I could believe that I could achieve a goal when I’m feeling low I needed to prove to myself that I have achieved goals in the past (step 1).  This is because when I am in this mood I have very negative thoughts and I tend to catastrophize situations. By setting goals I’m attempting to look beyond the feelings and very real emotions that I’m experiencing, I’m envisioning the future without these feelings. Explaining why I want to do something (step 3) tends to make me want to do it more. Completing something like a cake (step 4) gives me a finished product that I can look at and think even when I’m feeling this low I am capable of creating and achieving something (and I get a slice of cake also).

~ Meditate

meditate

Step 1) Find a quiet space, inside or out and get comfortable, whether that is sitting, standing or lying down.

Step 2) Breathe in, breathe out then pause.

Step 3) Breathe in and breathe out.

Step 4) You just completed your first meditation.

Okay so yes that was a very short and sweet meditation but it is exactly where I started. My mother loves to meditate, she finds it like her own little sanctuary but I never could concentrate enough. But I saw the benefits it had on my mum. So I broke it down and I started with a 10 second meditation whenever I felt I needed it. Then 1 minute, 10, 20, 30 until I just meditated for however long my body wanted.

~ Tasks that tackle your negative thoughts

glass.jpg

Do you believe in superstition? 

  1. If I break a mirror do I receive 7 years bad luck? 
  2. If I were to put a pair of new shoes on a table will I have bad luck?
  3. If I pull a funny face when the wind changes will my face really stay like that?

Stay with me with this I know it seems very unrelated. 

So if your thinking no way does your face change because of the wind and anyone who believes that is absolutely crazy. When I feel low in mood my thoughts always seem absolute. So if my head is telling me that I am never going to get better or that I am not worthy of love or friends or my anxiety comes out whilst I’m in a restaurant and I feel like everyone is watching me. When these thoughts occur I believe that they are truthful, rational and valid. What I’m trying to explain is that it never occurs to our thoughts that perhaps thinking that every person in a restaurant is looking at you is irrational and unhelpful?

Next time your experiencing a negative thought, try and stop and think does this help me, is it rational?

sheep

  1. Think about a white sheep
  2. Now stop thinking about a white sheep
  3. Think of anything but a white sheep

Difficult?

This theory highlights how difficult it is for our brains to stop a thought! If you can’t stop something negative surely the only thing is to try and change it? If I’m thinking about how my anxiety is never going to improve, I don’t try to stop this thought. I try to apply the previous theory and think is this rational, and does it help me? It doesn’t help me and it definitely isn’t rational so I change it. Instead of I’m always going to have anxiety I state that I’m currently experiencing anxiety but my future goal is that I won’t. I’ve achieved goals in the past why can’t I achieve this goal? The answer is I can and I will.

I know that this task seems hard work and like it takes a lot of energy that you might not be feeling pretty full of. But just try one step at a time, see if it helps? This won’t be the way for everybody but it helps me and I wanted to share that with others. 

~ Take care of yourself

I cannot express enough how important it is for me to look after my body. When I feel good on the outside it has a large impact upon my mental well-being. Now I’m not saying that in order to be happy you must look beautiful all the time. However, when your feeling low doing things that actively make you feel better on the outside reflect on the inside.

Have a bubbly bath, or a hot sit down shower, paint your nails, or plait your hair, put a face mask on, do your make-up. Any one of these help me, so I hope they help you to.

bubbly bath.jpg

~ Talk

The most important way of dealing with how you may feel when you are low, anxious or depressed is talking. Please find someone to talk to! It is the main reason I feel on the road to recovery because I was finally ready to talk it all out. Emotion is okay, feeling sad is okay, you’re not broken and no-one is going to judge you and if they do send them to me (haha). Whether it is your mum or dad, a teacher, colleague, friend, family member just talk.

You can contact me through this page and I promise to try get back to you as soon as physically possible.

If your not comfortable talking to anyone you know I have attached the NHS website that has numerous helplines. Here you can talk to someone you don’t know and get further help if you need it.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/mental-health-helplines/

 

The best book I ever found that helped me and that contributed to a lot of my self help plan was ‘The CBT Good Habit Journal’ by Christine Wilding and Gill Hasson. It is definitely worth a buy. Below is a link to the book.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/147365789X/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1634&creative=6738&creativeASIN=147365789X&linkCode=as2&tag=elle1133-21&linkId=85b95bb6f147264f013f8b7fc170f98f


This is just my self help guide it is in no way going to be perfect for you, anxiety and depression requires help from professionals so please seek that. This is just to hopefully give you some ideas and coping methods.


Past Goals

Future Goals

~ Completed GCSE’S & ALevels

~ Learnt to drive

~ Bought my own car

~ Tidied my room

~ Raised money for charity

~ Travel

~ Complete Degree

~ Buy my first house

~ Get a Blue Staffy

~ Go for a walk

~ Eat healthily